Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Combination Sebring 12 Hour - Get Rid Of Democrats Custom BBQ
Bring on the catfish, deer, boar, gator, queers and liberals...
This here Bar B Que can handle it all
This here Bar B Que can handle it all
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
You Know You Are From Highlands County If
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM Highlands County IF:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go to the store "
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car ... For your OWN car.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Everglades, and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World" ..... Mall Mart.
14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Gumbo weather.
15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop .. it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. For example: "What kinda coke you want?"
16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
17. We don't need no stinking driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
18. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Highlands county (and those who just wish they were).
Not EVERYONE can be from Highlands county, it's an art form and a gift from God!
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go to the store "
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car ... For your OWN car.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Everglades, and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World" ..... Mall Mart.
14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Gumbo weather.
15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop .. it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. For example: "What kinda coke you want?"
16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
17. We don't need no stinking driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
18. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Highlands county (and those who just wish they were).
Not EVERYONE can be from Highlands county, it's an art form and a gift from God!
What Florida Redneck Knows About Highlands County FL
THINGS THE FLORIDA REDNECK KNOWS ABOUT HIGHLANDS COUNTY FL:
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Polk county.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in polk county , plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; If it crawls, it bites.
5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.
6. It is not a Shopping cart, it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat okra. 
9. "Fixinto" is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a
little tea with our sugar!
12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
13. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you' re done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH 'em.
Florida Redneck And Summer In Highlands County Florida
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN Highlands County IN JULY & AUGUST WHEN:
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Florida Redneck
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
Florida Redneck
Florida Redneck and a Highlands County Blessing
"A Highlands County FL. Blessing "
Note: If you are not a resident of Highlands County or never have lived in the hot, humid south, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry,
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass,
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please,
Carpenter bees, and ticks, and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in Florida, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray!
Florida Redneck Grew Up In Highlands County FL
Note: If you are not a resident of Highlands County or never have lived in the hot, humid south, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!
Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry,
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass,
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please,
Carpenter bees, and ticks, and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in Florida, Lord, you've put them all!!
But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray!
Florida Redneck Grew Up In Highlands County FL
Florida Redneck And The Balance Of GOD In Highlands County
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, GOD was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God.
Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a modest land mass and said, "What's that one?"
Ah," said God. "That's Florida USA -- the most glorious place on earth! There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Just wait until you see the nuts I put in Highlands County"
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God.
Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a modest land mass and said, "What's that one?"
Ah," said God. "That's Florida USA -- the most glorious place on earth! There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Just wait until you see the nuts I put in Highlands County"
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