Florida Redneck Hillbillies And Their Stupid Wives

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze

1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. "

2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly says: "Tha t's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!"

1st Hillbilly says: "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly says: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly says: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"

3rd Hillbilly says: "She ain't got no pecker.

More Redneck Humor Brought To You By Florida Redneck.

Florida Redneck Outdoor Christmas Decorations

Tis The Season...Seasons Greetings From Florida

Florida Redneck Skeet Shoot

Florida Redneck Skeet Shoot. Testosterone Filled. Bring Your Balls.

Florida Redneck Getting Prepared For The Sebring 12 Hours

Getting the goods for a trip to Sebring for the World Famous 12 Hours of Sebring - Getting Prepared, The Day Before.

Florida Redneck Christmas Outdoor Decorations

Yep, My homeowners association hates me.

Florida Redneck Salutes Redneck Values

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and GOD. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God..'

You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you found this blog, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough RedNeck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this blog.

GOD Bless the USA !

Florida Redneck Found This Redneck Baby Chair at Wal Mart

Florida Redneck Best Use Of Duct Tape

This Alaskan Redneck Gets Our vote for the best use of Duct Tape. Who knows what caused this damage to this Piper Super Cub (reports are that it was a bear) but this Alaskan Redneck evidently knows how to put Duct Tape to the best use ever.

Evidently, this Alaskan Redneck has been on a long fishing trip and didn't clean the smell of the fish out of the Super Cub.

Obtaining only 2 new tires, three cases of Duct Tape, and several rolls of cellophane, this Super Cub was back in action.

Florida Redneck Sebring 12 Hour Port-A-Potty

Florida Redneck Sebring 12 Hour Port-A-Potty

This Cracker humor brought to you by Florida Redneck

Florida Redneck Brings You Survivor West Virginia Style

Florida Redneck Brings You Survivor West Virginia Style

SURVIVOR: West Virginia Style

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, we're planning to do our own show entitled 'Survivor: West Virginia Style.'

The contestants will start in Wheeling; travel down to New Martinsville and on to Parkersburg.

From there they will head over to Ripley, Odessa and Summersville.

They will then proceed south to Fayetteville and Beckley; then west through Pineville, Williamson, Logan, Charleston and back to Wheeling.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates, and a large bumper stickers that read:

'I'm Gay'
'NASCAR Sucks'
'Go Pitt'
'Copenhagen is for Idiots'
'Obama in 2012'
'Deer Hunting is Murder'
'Say No to Budweiser'
'I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns'
and
'Go, Michigan'

The first one to make it back to Wheeling alive wins.

Florida Redneck - Florida Redneck Brings You Survivor West Virginia Style

Florida Redneck According To Norman Rockwell

Florida Redneck 12 Hour Lawn Chair

Florida Redneck Sebring 12 Hour Hot Dog Cooker

Florida Redneck And The First Colony On The Moon

Florida Redneck Mail Box

Florida Redneck Travels North With Cracker RV

Florida Redneck Flower Pots

Florida Redneck Bomb Shelter

Sebring Beer Cooler 12 Hour Style

Sebring Florida Beer Cooler - Courtesy Abbo Brooker

Sebring Florida 2 Person Tree Swing 12 Hour Style

Florida Redneck Gas Powered Lazy Boy

Combination Sebring 12 Hour - Get Rid Of Democrats Custom BBQ

Bring on the catfish, deer, boar, gator, queers and liberals...

This here Bar B Que can handle it all

Florida Redneck Offers Somali Pirate Hat

Somali Pirate Hat

Get Yours NOW!

You Know You Are From Highlands County If

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM Highlands County IF:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go to the store "

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

5. You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both unlocked.

6. You know what a "DAWG" is.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car ... For your OWN car.

8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Everglades, and ketchup.

9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".

12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World" ..... Mall Mart.

14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Gumbo weather.

15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop .. it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. For example: "What kinda coke you want?"

16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

17. We don't need no stinking driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

18. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Highlands county (and those who just wish they were).

Not EVERYONE can be from Highlands county, it's an art form and a gift from God!

What Florida Redneck Knows About Highlands County FL

THINGS THE FLORIDA REDNECK KNOWS ABOUT HIGHLANDS COUNTY FL:

1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Polk county.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in polk county , plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it sticks; If it crawls, it bites.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a Shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a

little tea with our sugar!

12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you' re done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH 'em.

Florida Redneck

Florida Redneck And Summer In Highlands County Florida

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN Highlands County IN JULY & AUGUST WHEN:

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Florida Redneck

Florida Redneck and a Highlands County Blessing

"A Highlands County FL. Blessing "

Note: If you are not a resident of Highlands County or never have lived in the hot, humid south, you may not understand the weight of this blessing!

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry,
Please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,
While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass,
Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please,
Carpenter bees, and ticks, and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,
the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
in Florida, Lord, you've put them all!!

But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray!

Florida Redneck Grew Up In Highlands County FL

Florida Redneck And The Balance Of GOD In Highlands County

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, GOD was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God.

Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,

"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.

"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a modest land mass and said, "What's that one?"

Ah," said God. "That's Florida USA -- the most glorious place on earth! There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Just wait until you see the nuts I put in Highlands County"